No doubt the first paragraph is the most obvious, it is also the most redundant.
Alright, this is a follow up to my very first post. I might have forgotten to do a degrading self intro that so plagues this line of writing. I'm a guy, whose straight but occassionally do have funny ideas about being Bi, but it never comes close cause I am far too lazy to find out if I'm truly attracted to both sexes. For now I am content to know I like girls, period.
Why I'm what I am today.
I'm living here in Singapore, with most of my childhood years spent in an extremely brutal and violent household. Well I remember most of my childhood years while I lived with my Mother's parent's house, where brutality was discipline. I grew up enduring smacks, canings and downright plummeting from my uncles and aunties and even my grandparents. It actually came to a point where I was punished for anything that went wrong in the household. Be it when I do the right thing, or do the wrong thing, I would beaten nearly to a pulp by the uncaring adults. Once I almost went blind when my uncle caned my eyes repeatedly while I kept them closed. But hey, right now, haha no one would dare lay a finger on me. You'd see why soon enough.
You would think I would have forgotten things like that already huh?
Statement: Fact of life
Affection wasn't shown to me thru hugs and kisses, but rather being showered with material goods such as toys and games was supposed to be love. Whose to complain eh? Hahaha, well to each his own again I say.
So there is a beginning?
Main reason why I had to live with my Grandparent's place for several years was because my father who was in the furniture business was forced to wind down his business here in Singapore in the slight depression of 1987. Thus we were forced to sell our house at Faber Gardens (For those interested it's along Upper Thomson Rd) and move to my Grandparent's place. My father was desperate to find a way to support the family and in the end, he travelled to Indonesia to work for another company. Until today, he has risen up from being a mere worker to the co-owner of the business. Well I don't really blame him for what has happened to me, infact I guess I should be grateful that he never gave up and ended up providing alot of material comforts most Singaporeans would envy. Haha, perhaps always getting what you want wasn't very healthy for a boy who grew up in an environment where brutality and violence was the best way to solve any problems.
Anyways... back to my life story which happens to be something I want to write down, but don't expect anyone to read.
Sibling Rivalry
Well, I have 2 younger brothers, both which I was extremely violent with during my younger years. Well, I kinda broke out of the violence when I was 14, when in anger, I punched the middle brother on the lips and it swelled to triple it's size for a week. I realized my strength and swore never again to use violence on humans. Well after that, in an effort to cull my violent nature out of me, I broke three 1 inch solid glass table tops, a 1.5 inch glass door and broke every knuckle on both my hands punching solid brick walls. My mother actually told me to stop punching the walls cause there were cracks forming where I was punching it for a week. In total it took me 6 years to get the violent instinct out of me. I no longer have to control using my fists when anger consumes me. I merely give a tongue lashing that hurts twice as much, but that's better than the person going to the hospital.
When you lose trust of somebody, will you ever think of trusting the person again?
Right now, I'm trying to mend ties with my brothers. It isn't easy I tell ya, the trust and security just isn't there. The fear and respect that I've gotten thru brute force evapourated when I mended my old ways. How can you earn trust and repect from the people you've brutalized when your younger? Pacifism only served for them to ignore my pleas that I'm no longer what I once were. At times I fear the only way for me to regain what I lost would be to revert to my older self. The only problem would be that that person no longer existed. And it's going to be next to impossible for me to change back to what I was.
Mental Picture
Hahaha, if you know me and your reading this, you'd know that I've got a solid build and also trained in the art of Judo, I've got a brown belt in that not that it really matters. But what you wouldn't know would be that I've also picked up Jujitsu and have been training our singapore army regulars and even the commandos the art of Jujitsu under the tutorlege of my Sensei. well I've stopped training when I had to do my Industrial Attachment to complete my diploma. Well this was the reason why none of the people that hit me before dared to hit me again. But if it was me, I would not retaliate unless it was a matter of life and death. Martial arts teach us to tolerate and never to instigate anyone into a fight. Main reason, what you learn can kill your opponent who isn't trained in the art. No joke my friends, the arts you learn are as deadly to anyone who isn't prepared to face your attack as a gun shot wound to the chest.
Fear is the path to the Dark Side
Scars in the Battle of Life
Well for those of you that doubt my accounts, your free to examine the scars that have remained on my body. But that's kind of a turn off for me haha.. but then again I doubt anyone out there like to see scars..... I know I don't. Well if anything, I still haven't been able to let down my guard even when I get intimate with another person. It's sad to say that I've never been able to truly open up to another. There always seemed to have a barrier of mistrust and fear that the other person might use what I fear most, against me. Thus it's easier for us to open up to a machine, where it doesn't have emotions to betray us or hurt us with the things we love most. Hahaha, I have had too much time to think about matters like this. One thing I've done in abundance, TOO MUCH SOUL SEARCHING. I've been able to come up with so much excuses to explain "how I got here" and thus forgetting to plan for "how I'm getting there".
Happy Ending?
Well I'm feeling better now, having parted with a piece of the pain that I've bottled up within me it feels as if my heart's forming a crack as a faint beat echoes thru it's hardened hollow walls.
Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow
Friday, March 12, 2004
And the Madness starts
Wow is it truly so easy to start writing a journal? or rather a blog in this case.
Heh, if only life was ever so simple. Well I was going to wonder at what I would be writing
in this first ever blog of mine. Perhaps some angst to prove a point that doesn't exist.
Perhaps something that would help me blow off steam. Then again, perhaps not.
Musings of a poorly loved Pig
Why do people do the things they do? Is it really because they chose to do it?
I don't know, some people keep telling me that they do it because they want to,
while others tell me they didn't have much of a choice on what they had to do.
Whom am I to believe? Perhaps only time will tell, or maybe I should just follow my heart?
Life's really good at throwing curved balls at ya, I for one understand just how often this happens.
Just in December my brother received a letter from school telling us that he's expelled.
Then in January, the school rejected his appeal. Things looked pretty grim back then.
Then would you know it, we attended an open house on universities from the States and KAPOW!
My brother's working on his portfolio to try and apply for one of the top schools for Computer arts and design.
Well curved balls aren't always good news though, haha... Anyways back to angsty self pity.
I love myself, NOT! That's usually the first step into vanity and a world where I end up as a stuck up Jerk ass.
I know myself, NOT! Well the problem is, no matter how well you think you know yourself,
there's always something that would come along and change your mind. My solution to this?
Keep an open mind, don't restrict yourself and what your SUPPOSED to be liking.
Heck who knows? You might even like what's coming to ya. But then again many would frown upon this and say I'm a person with no personality and style. Hey, to each his own I always say. Why must I like what YOU like inorder to be "NORMAL" hahaha if they are into things such as shoe fetishes, where would that leave me? eh? *nudge* *nudge*
Confessions of a pig in human clothing
Well, I admit I'm actually a pig in disguise, only difference between me and the other guys, I tell it like it is. I'm DA MEANEST, LAZIEST, DOWNRIGHT ermm.... hmmm besides being mean and lazy, there isn't much I tend to do. Hahaha, I don't bully, well not anymore because I've been converted to pacifism by some supernatural force I do not care to explain.
Pigs DO FLY
Oh well.... life stories aside, piggishness aside, I'm a pretty witless person who loves inflicting different sorts of pain upon myself. You can say I'm a masochist to the extreme. Besides for the obvious physical pain, I constantly get emotionally battered and psychologically mauled. Well most of it is my own doing too.... *sigh* Pain is such an effective way to know your ALIVE and not burning in eternity in a bright and happy and ARTIFICIAL place I like to call heaven. hahaha.... irony huh? I always thought heaven would be FREAKY because of the amount of NICENESS and feeling of detachment from one's human emotions. HOW CAN ANYONE EVER be NICE FOREVER? It's not in the basic human nature. Then again perhaps god is just telling us the next step in our immortal lives would be to lose our humanity? Who knows and more importantly, who CARES hahaha.... I sure don't... that's why I keep talking about it.
Focused to LOSE Focus
From reality to divinity, am I making a whole lot of sense? Perhaps not, then again this blog wasn't about making sense in the first place. It's a place that I decided would be best to just let out whatever "deepness" or in Singaporean, "CHIMness" that strikes my fancy.
Will the INSANITY never end?!
Next on my list of to-Dos, hmmm here's something, I'm gonna post some pretty outrageous ideas and hope that someone actually comes and use them.... cause I SURE AIN'T gonna do CRAP about them... haha they just pop in my head and my lazy body ain't doing jack about it... Gotta love human nature.
Uh-oh there he goes again
First up, how to get UNLIMITED energy for the entire human race. Yes I said it. I've got the answer to that ever elusive question of what are humans gonna do when we finally run out of OIL. And NO, sadly it has NOTHING to do with the Matrix... hahaha....no human batteries here. So here's the idea in short, I'm gonna harness Solar power, but the solar panels aren't gonna be taking up our precious space down here on earth. Infact, it's gonna take up space where it doesn't really matter, in SPACE hahaha.... get it? I mean really.... we could build solar power plants that orbit the earth.... in an orbit such that they will never be blocked by the earth or the moon.
Kk, I know it sounds crazy right now, but look at it this way, we have countless satellies in our inner space right now. They are on a degatory orbit which was planned from the day they were launched. Either that or they can alter their own orbit into a degatory one when their time in space is up. Most of them have solar panels so they can have a nearly limitless source of power while up in space. Thus having minimal maintainence such as recharging.... heh.... whoever wants to recharge a satellie's gotta be crazy in his own right.
Thus with this idea in mind, we've got several options of unlimited energy.
Let's humour him shall we?
First option, we have massive solar powerplants in the space around earth and we use "batteries" that we'd have to bring to and fro these stations via frequent space flights. But it's just a silly option that's gonna be moronic because of the massive costs involved in space flight with our current technology.
Second option, this is gonna shock you guys... literally hehe.... because if you actually follow our current technology plans, we've already have a technology that can transmit electricity to and from electronic devices thru the AIR... yesh boys and girls you heard me, thru the very air you breath in. In case you want to further this claim, go look at the blue tooth technology white papers. Yes white papers are the technology blue prints.... sort of like a blue print of a building where you can see how does the technology run. Blue tooth manufacturers have always decided AGAINST self powered blue tooth devices, (YES they did come up with a batteryless headset where all you have to do is turn on the power button and the headset draws power thru the AIR from your blue tooth base station.) Reason being, they weren't sure if people felt safe knowing that electricity is passing thru the air and into their headsets or other devices. Well, NOW you know, things I'm saying AIN'T out of no science fiction, it's very REAL science FACT. heehe..... amen to that.
GOD does he know how to shut up?
Anyways that step done and over with, we could have 2 sets of satellites rotating around earth, first layer would be the ones directly receiving the solar power in space, what's up with the second layer you may ask, well the technology I just talked about is only possible if there's AIR lol.... incase you didn't notice... thus the need for the 2nd layer of satellites.... these 2nd layer satellites gotta have a different design. Firstly, they don't really have the standard solar panels, because the earth's atmosphere kinda strips away much of the power of the sun. secondly, the way these satellites gonna receive energy would have to be a different wavelength, much like the wave length of microwave. Firstly, why something like microwave, it can go thru space. Secondly it is a technology we currently have. We could get the First tier satellites to transmit the energy to the Second Tier Satellites Via microwave or other "safer" wavelengths if the government would only allow me to experiment... hehe.. oh well.... back to the idea. These Second tier satellites could then transmit the power to any device that needed it on the planet.... imagine, NO MORE POWERPLANTS! hahaha... AND, you can turn on any electrical device anywhere in the world, as long as you have access to external AIR.... amazing huh? It's all possible, except if you want to live indoors, it's a simple matter of storing it thru batteries with spares that you can just leave in the open air while you work.
FINALLY LIGHT AT THE END OF TUNNEL!
Hehehe... if you got thru even 1/10 of what I wrote above, GO GET A LIFE! Cause only people like me, whom spend my time conceptualizing things out of boredom can come up with such crazy ideas. Anyways on MORE CRAZY ideas I'm most probly gonna post tomorrow or as soon as I can get my lazy butt up to do it.
Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow
Wow is it truly so easy to start writing a journal? or rather a blog in this case.
Heh, if only life was ever so simple. Well I was going to wonder at what I would be writing
in this first ever blog of mine. Perhaps some angst to prove a point that doesn't exist.
Perhaps something that would help me blow off steam. Then again, perhaps not.
Musings of a poorly loved Pig
Why do people do the things they do? Is it really because they chose to do it?
I don't know, some people keep telling me that they do it because they want to,
while others tell me they didn't have much of a choice on what they had to do.
Whom am I to believe? Perhaps only time will tell, or maybe I should just follow my heart?
Life's really good at throwing curved balls at ya, I for one understand just how often this happens.
Just in December my brother received a letter from school telling us that he's expelled.
Then in January, the school rejected his appeal. Things looked pretty grim back then.
Then would you know it, we attended an open house on universities from the States and KAPOW!
My brother's working on his portfolio to try and apply for one of the top schools for Computer arts and design.
Well curved balls aren't always good news though, haha... Anyways back to angsty self pity.
I love myself, NOT! That's usually the first step into vanity and a world where I end up as a stuck up Jerk ass.
I know myself, NOT! Well the problem is, no matter how well you think you know yourself,
there's always something that would come along and change your mind. My solution to this?
Keep an open mind, don't restrict yourself and what your SUPPOSED to be liking.
Heck who knows? You might even like what's coming to ya. But then again many would frown upon this and say I'm a person with no personality and style. Hey, to each his own I always say. Why must I like what YOU like inorder to be "NORMAL" hahaha if they are into things such as shoe fetishes, where would that leave me? eh? *nudge* *nudge*
Confessions of a pig in human clothing
Well, I admit I'm actually a pig in disguise, only difference between me and the other guys, I tell it like it is. I'm DA MEANEST, LAZIEST, DOWNRIGHT ermm.... hmmm besides being mean and lazy, there isn't much I tend to do. Hahaha, I don't bully, well not anymore because I've been converted to pacifism by some supernatural force I do not care to explain.
Pigs DO FLY
Oh well.... life stories aside, piggishness aside, I'm a pretty witless person who loves inflicting different sorts of pain upon myself. You can say I'm a masochist to the extreme. Besides for the obvious physical pain, I constantly get emotionally battered and psychologically mauled. Well most of it is my own doing too.... *sigh* Pain is such an effective way to know your ALIVE and not burning in eternity in a bright and happy and ARTIFICIAL place I like to call heaven. hahaha.... irony huh? I always thought heaven would be FREAKY because of the amount of NICENESS and feeling of detachment from one's human emotions. HOW CAN ANYONE EVER be NICE FOREVER? It's not in the basic human nature. Then again perhaps god is just telling us the next step in our immortal lives would be to lose our humanity? Who knows and more importantly, who CARES hahaha.... I sure don't... that's why I keep talking about it.
Focused to LOSE Focus
From reality to divinity, am I making a whole lot of sense? Perhaps not, then again this blog wasn't about making sense in the first place. It's a place that I decided would be best to just let out whatever "deepness" or in Singaporean, "CHIMness" that strikes my fancy.
Will the INSANITY never end?!
Next on my list of to-Dos, hmmm here's something, I'm gonna post some pretty outrageous ideas and hope that someone actually comes and use them.... cause I SURE AIN'T gonna do CRAP about them... haha they just pop in my head and my lazy body ain't doing jack about it... Gotta love human nature.
Uh-oh there he goes again
First up, how to get UNLIMITED energy for the entire human race. Yes I said it. I've got the answer to that ever elusive question of what are humans gonna do when we finally run out of OIL. And NO, sadly it has NOTHING to do with the Matrix... hahaha....no human batteries here. So here's the idea in short, I'm gonna harness Solar power, but the solar panels aren't gonna be taking up our precious space down here on earth. Infact, it's gonna take up space where it doesn't really matter, in SPACE hahaha.... get it? I mean really.... we could build solar power plants that orbit the earth.... in an orbit such that they will never be blocked by the earth or the moon.
Kk, I know it sounds crazy right now, but look at it this way, we have countless satellies in our inner space right now. They are on a degatory orbit which was planned from the day they were launched. Either that or they can alter their own orbit into a degatory one when their time in space is up. Most of them have solar panels so they can have a nearly limitless source of power while up in space. Thus having minimal maintainence such as recharging.... heh.... whoever wants to recharge a satellie's gotta be crazy in his own right.
Thus with this idea in mind, we've got several options of unlimited energy.
Let's humour him shall we?
First option, we have massive solar powerplants in the space around earth and we use "batteries" that we'd have to bring to and fro these stations via frequent space flights. But it's just a silly option that's gonna be moronic because of the massive costs involved in space flight with our current technology.
Second option, this is gonna shock you guys... literally hehe.... because if you actually follow our current technology plans, we've already have a technology that can transmit electricity to and from electronic devices thru the AIR... yesh boys and girls you heard me, thru the very air you breath in. In case you want to further this claim, go look at the blue tooth technology white papers. Yes white papers are the technology blue prints.... sort of like a blue print of a building where you can see how does the technology run. Blue tooth manufacturers have always decided AGAINST self powered blue tooth devices, (YES they did come up with a batteryless headset where all you have to do is turn on the power button and the headset draws power thru the AIR from your blue tooth base station.) Reason being, they weren't sure if people felt safe knowing that electricity is passing thru the air and into their headsets or other devices. Well, NOW you know, things I'm saying AIN'T out of no science fiction, it's very REAL science FACT. heehe..... amen to that.
GOD does he know how to shut up?
Anyways that step done and over with, we could have 2 sets of satellites rotating around earth, first layer would be the ones directly receiving the solar power in space, what's up with the second layer you may ask, well the technology I just talked about is only possible if there's AIR lol.... incase you didn't notice... thus the need for the 2nd layer of satellites.... these 2nd layer satellites gotta have a different design. Firstly, they don't really have the standard solar panels, because the earth's atmosphere kinda strips away much of the power of the sun. secondly, the way these satellites gonna receive energy would have to be a different wavelength, much like the wave length of microwave. Firstly, why something like microwave, it can go thru space. Secondly it is a technology we currently have. We could get the First tier satellites to transmit the energy to the Second Tier Satellites Via microwave or other "safer" wavelengths if the government would only allow me to experiment... hehe.. oh well.... back to the idea. These Second tier satellites could then transmit the power to any device that needed it on the planet.... imagine, NO MORE POWERPLANTS! hahaha... AND, you can turn on any electrical device anywhere in the world, as long as you have access to external AIR.... amazing huh? It's all possible, except if you want to live indoors, it's a simple matter of storing it thru batteries with spares that you can just leave in the open air while you work.
FINALLY LIGHT AT THE END OF TUNNEL!
Hehehe... if you got thru even 1/10 of what I wrote above, GO GET A LIFE! Cause only people like me, whom spend my time conceptualizing things out of boredom can come up with such crazy ideas. Anyways on MORE CRAZY ideas I'm most probly gonna post tomorrow or as soon as I can get my lazy butt up to do it.
Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)