Been a long time.

What I hate about time sometimes, is how fast it passes ya.
Well, it's been awhile, BMT has come and gone.
Things all said and done, stuff comes and stuff goes.
It's all pretty general and I think blessings do come in many disguises.
Why would I say that, perhaps because of the place I'm posted to.
I'm posted to a location I am not going to reveal because this blog is open to the public.

But the posting I got, pleased me immensely.
Perhaps thing's aren't that bad after all. Well, besides for my tiny revelation,
I think I shall leave this post with a poem.

Rigors

Clueless wandering, careless abandon.
Hopeful wishing, high aspirations.
Failure looming, fates declining.
Twisted ending, wonderful beginnings.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Injury!

6.19am Friday July 02 2004.... it's either really late night... or early morning... haha up to you to interpret. I've been at home for bout a week now. On MC for an injury to my right knee. To be more specific it's a ligament injury. It all happened during army training, I was asked to perform a certain task and I naturally set out to do it to the maximum of my ability. I think maybe it was because I pushed myself too hard, but I guess it would happen eventually one time or another.

Life Sucks!

But being injured sucks, it sucks so bad. I've gone into the army weighing about 106 KG.... and at the point I was injured... I weighed bout 93 kg. I would lose alot more weight if not for having to rest now because of my injury ARGH! Oh well, I'm guessing it's God's way of playing a practical joke upon my sorry ass. I worked so hard, I got so far, in the end it doesn't even matter. ARGH now I sound like linkin park!

Resting secrets

Technically speaking at the point when I was injured, I was exhausted. Perhaps I was too tired, having pushed myself to my limit and beyond. Perhaps it was my body's way of telling me, "HEY FOOL! REST OR YOUR GONNA DIE!" Perhaps so.... but I was soooo close to becoming an officer! ARGH... I hope when I recover, I'd have a 2nd chance at becoming an officer. I really believe I have a calling in my blood, to be the commander of my fellow soldiers. The greatest leaders aren't superior to their men. Infact the greatest leaders are servants to the soldiers they lead. They are meant to take care of their men and never abuse their authority they have over them. Oh well such values are so old I fear it has been lost with time. I do not see my fellow soldiers being inspired by my officers or the sergeants. They told us that the army has changed from the past, but still they are ruling our men thru Fear instead of Valor and Honor which drives many armies nowadays.

Difference between winners and losers

Singapore is so tiny, we have a land mass so small, we're the smallest country besides for Vatican City. We have only around 3.5 million population at max with the rest being tourists or non-permanent residents. It's absolutely essential that our army must be driven by men with purpose instead of half-hearted conscripts whom feel that the army is nothing but a waste of their 2 years of National Service. We must educate our nation from the roots, which are our children. We must show them that without an army, we will not be able to survive as a country. Right now, most of the attitude of my fellow recruits are one of extreme ignorance. They do not understand the importance of our lack of manpower. It means we would have to make use of every last man. And every last man must count in our efforts or as the saying goes "the chain is as strong as it's weakest link". If you were to test our army, our "chain" I'd assure you that our weakest link is very weak indeed. It doesn't matter if the whole army save one person is doing their job. Just one person who didn't do his job, will cause such a castastrophic chain of events that have the potential to unravel the work others have put in so much effort to accomplish.

I strongly believe that the only way to remedy this problem would be to become a leader myself, a leader has more power to affect those around him. Then perhaps I can slowly inspire the men I lead to in turn inspire more and more of the army. Such inspiration will slowly but surely affect the army in a positive way. Anyways... enough of my army chatter. I don't think you would enjoy me carry on another 20 pages of this crap anyways.

You never know whom you gonna meet

By the way, I met this German gal online while playing Gunbound. (Now who says you can't meet people while playing games?) And she was one of the nicest people you can chat with online. Hehehe, it's not that girls from other countries aren't nice, but on the whole, most girls whom go on the internet ain't exactly very friendly. Which is understandable if they had been swarmed with thousands of guys asking about every little detail bout their lives.... (I've had feedback from several gals that they were indeed swarmed with alot of unwanted attention) So I have the simplest solution, just say your a guy whom likes to pretend your a girl... lol... that'd get like 90% of the guys off ya back. The rest of the 10% are guys whom are Gay, Bisexual or they suspect that your really a girl and they really are straight. But hey, somehow I am a magnet for girls whom don't really know how to use computers.... and end up coaching them in every little detail on how to get things done. (I am really getting tired of that... imagine in a single day I used to have to tend to like 15 different girls with like 5 requests each) But now, since I've entered the army, things have been much better and quieter.

End

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Loves of my life
Doh! Nothing much I truly love. Maybe except for life itself I don't think I've truly been in love enough to die for someone, something or some ideal. Perhaps NS would make me willing to die for my country. But then again it's kinda silly not to die for my country. Who ever remembers the horrors of WWII will kinda just say "DUH you doofus~! You want that to happen AGAIN?!" Hahaha but truly I think I'm just not built for the touchy-feely-mushy stuff. My skin literally crawls when something like that is presented infront of my face.

Hates of my life
I think I hate the fear of death. It really puts me off when I am all sleepy and about to sleep at night. Then the bloody image of passing away unknown amongst my fellow peers keeps haunting me. Perhaps it's a sign, then again I've been experiencing this for like since I saw the death of a cat after it became roadkill. It was the first time I saw something dying infront of me without being in a TV. It was kinda terrifying and yet morbidly fascinating. I should start declaring myself mentally under inept for thinking such cumbersomely deep thoughts. Ah well I guess it's back to life for me. Going to bed now.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Well well well, it's been really long ago since I last wrote here. BMT life has been really hectic. There seems to be a never ending amount of things to learn and we never seem to have a peaceful moment except when I get back home.

Anyways, main reason why I never wrote was because I was always too busy catching up on sleep. Hehe, it seems that the 7 hours of sleep a day in the army doesn't sit too well with me. At least I get to catch up on some when I get back.

It's been ok in the army, lost bout 7 kg already. Feeling alot lighter and I hope to feel even lighter. Anyways gotta go now. Ciao

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

WHOA is it MAY ALREADY?!

It's been so long since I updated my blog, I feel like as if I've not been living for the past month. Anyways, latest updates on my life. I have enlisted and served the country for close to 1 full month now. Infact it's because I've had almost no free time since I've enlisted, thus I have been unable to post here.

Life's been ermmmm..... interesting. I've seen and experienced several things that I can only say, expanded my horizons. I would love to say it's been a good time, but hahaha, army life really kinda sucks. It's not the training that's making me tired.... it's all the waiting I have to do for training to start. Geez and to think that I entered the obese batch thinking it'd be training day in day out... but after the first 2-3 weeks, the training seemed to lax by half. I'm worried that by the end of the course, there'd be no training at all! Hahahaha.... I'm so silly.

Anyways it could be a sign that I'm getting fitter... but then again it could be my imagination. I really hope that by the end of my Basic Training, I can qualify to train as an officer. Hehe, thus I've set a goal for myself to pass my IPPT with a silver and make my army life complete.

Here's the Evil heart candy signing out. Chaos!

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Words abound as hearts flutter

Love but not for hearts but for arts,
Learning self through art,
Art is but a mirror reflecting,
One's soul revealed through inspecting.

Kin or Foe, life's abating,
Life or Death, kin's awaiting.
Rich or Poor, death will claim,
Right or Wrong, time decides.

Diversification,
Change.
Unending,
Infinity.

Four sentences can only say so much,
Yet four words can say so much more.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Musings

Fire burns, wind blows,
Earth stays and water flows.
There are ups, there are downs,
Things will happen, it is life.

Rigors of time, coming of age,
Maturing early, hungering sage.
Yet know it all, it is not enough,
For some things he will never know.

Simple pleasures, simple life,
Yet desires for greatness always grows.
Greatness arrives, greatness goes,
What's left but a withering rose.

Yearning souls earn no reprieve,
Wanderlust soon consumes it.
The journey starts not today,
But when the time is nigh.

Trekking on without a thought,
Never certain where he will stop.
Till night arrives and weary thoughts,
He will spend the night on the spot.

His life but a fleeting, yet time stands still.
The moment earned, of a former glory.
Rigors wrought upon a battered body,
His body falters and starts to rock.

Searching the world, for what might be,
Focused finding yet for naught.
For what he seeks, he yearns for most,
Was right where he started and where he stops.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Anticipation

Each day grows with mounting anxiety. How many more days is it before I'm officially training for the Singapore Armed Forces? It's only a couple of weeks. Going in on the 21st of April, heh, time sure flies. Life's been good to me, rather it is I who have a grudge against it. Whether be it because of what Life has thrown at me, or be it how it's trying to make up for past mistakes. There's certain things that I can never truly forget. And with this milestone of entering National Service, I step into the next stage of my life, where I shall emerge with a new purpose, a new meaning and a new look to serve the purpose of humanity.

Ramblings from a mind bordering on the line of sanity and understanding

Is there no escape from the basic human instinct to couple and procreate? Is there no source where we can turn to when we can break free from this endless cycle and ascend to immortality? Is the key to immortality NOT to follow human instinct? Or is there a way for us to become immortal and yet still remain human? Hahah there is already an answer to that question, and it proves that it's a question being asked for thousands of years. Buddism, the teachings of budda can be interpreted to being able to attain immortality if one attained enlightenment. It however asks us to thrown down basic human instinct, in order to attain the so called enlightenment. Why is it that buddist monks have to take the vow of celibacy? What is celibacy? It's the desecration of the basic human requirement. It's a show of sacrifice to attain a certain sort of power that seems to drive people to take this way of life.

Why do I say monks are an affront to our nature? It's because if you look at the basic organism around us, dogs, cats and all lifeforms on our planet. Their only goal is to reproduce so they may continue their species' survival on the planet. When you take a vow of celibacy, your going directly against that goal. You're willingly giving up survival of the human race. In short, if enough people feel that being a monk is important, we can see the signs of pre-extinction of the human race.

What if I told you that religion is just another form of control over people's minds? In a way, it's been proven that the monks of old, invented the Oracle to make people fear and submit to their control. And thus religion has proven to have a greater hold over humanity than anyone can ever tell. Fanatics have turned the tide of battle, a simple glimmer of hope can cause a small group to reduce a mighty empire to it's knees. The classic battle of David and Goliath shows the shining example of one such encounters. But not many of you have realized that in the end, David was old, senile and filled with sin as written in the Bible. No one is truly a hero and no one is truly a saint, for God has made us in his image and we're not perfect.

If you're thinking that in short, I'm saying God isn't perfect, then you've got what I've been trying to say. If God has Wrath, Anger, Goodness, Kindness, Mercy, Forgiveness and a WHOLE assortment of feelings. Whose not to say God isn't perfect? Even God himself has told us, "Man was made in God's image" And women are our kin. "God took a rib out of Adam and made him a companion" Thus I conclude, Men and women were once a merged organism and Women were separated from Men genetically and this design was deliberate and planned carefully. Perhaps even today it shows up in babies born with both sets of genitals. Perhaps Hermaphrodites are relics of a time long forgotten, where perhaps all human kind were like them, where there is no gender.

Haha, I'm so crazy.... too many ideas coming to me from unseeming sources of inspiration. I'm playing connect the dots with things that are never meant to be understood, yet when I see them. Hehe... perhaps I should be an Anthrapologist. Or maybe an Archeologist. I'm just interested in finding if anyone was made truly immortal, rather than artificial vampires that roam our streets forgotten in the night. For those of you Vampire fans, I'm a living breathing version of the Prophet of the Malkavians, taint of madness always present and yet never really there.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

So old habits die hard

Yes old habits die hard. And today I have come to realize that the oldest habit I have is putting off what I can today and leaving it for tomorrow. That is the loveliest habit of all! Who doesn't like to be lazy? Who doesn't like to able to just drop everything and have nothing to care about. Yes the ultimate form of escaping reality. Kick me someone, otherwise I don't think I'd want to leave this dreamy world of perfection.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

A dedication

Well, I've got say something ya. How do I say it though? Perhaps I shouldn't say it at all. Then again I guess it wouldn't be doing you justice. Figures that a person needs to bring up a certain amount of courage to say something like this. But here goes nothing. "Can I call you tonight?"

You know who you are ;)

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Taste

One of the more interesting and mostly courted senses among our five senses. Professions have sprung up because of it and people have died in the pursuit of it. Don't be so surprised, what do you think happened too all those cooks who failed to meet the expectations of ancient royalty? Hahaha, you do know that tyrannical kings of old had some really cruel ways to punish the cooks that couldn't meet their high expectations.

So what about taste? What am I going to talk about today? Perhaps it's just that I went to the market today with my father. Yeah my father just came back from Indonesia and we decided to cook up a feast for the family. So we went to get pork, fish, prawns, tofu, onions and the works for the vision we saw as the food we're gonna make for dinner. Well spent most of the morning preparing the food that we brought home. Took a break to write this blog, why you might ask, well I guess it's because of circumstances that exceed mere human comprehension at this moment. It's more like a build up along the weeks of online friends sharing recipes, talking about food and getting the urge to cook has just gotten too much to contain and thus exploding upon the very fabrics of this dimension.

In other words, I have been cooking but I want to cook better. Hahaha, weird huh? A guy who actually enjoys this kind of shit. Hehe if only there was appreciation of what I do. But hey, who's to complain? I get to do what I want, whenever I want. I'm supposed to be lucky huh? Oh well back to preparing the food. Frustration is the key to improvement, contentment is the key to stagnation. Follow the Dark Side, for that's where the continued adaptation and improvement of the human race. Following the Light will only suffice to weaken and tempt us to be conceited with what we truly are. There's no emotion, there's only peace indeed, BAH it only serves to separate us from what we truly are. We're passionate beings, we will continue to strive for greatness no matter what the obstacle. Now back to food! hehe... people out!

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Birthday galore

Well I found out two days ago that it was going to be my favourite god sister's birthday she also happens to be my cousin. Sigh, what's more it was thru ICQ too. Well I did offer to get her a present but then again she refused and I was forced to give her just good luck so that she'd do well in her upcoming exams. BAH I should be happy I'm not going to be spending what little money I have. But it's been so long since I even remembered her Birthday and I'm feeling bad about it. Hahaha, oh no this is getting to be like a normal person's BITCHING BLOG OMG SHIT!

Okay last paragraph in bitching about stupid things that's bugging me. Well then I found out that another of my friend from Israel was having her birthday on the day after. Hahaha, weirdly enough I just thought to ask her when her birthday was and it just happened to be the day after. No icq reminders or thinly veiled hints haha... just pure luck. Strange indeed.

Enough of this nonsense

I know why now perhaps I am supposedly devoid of the fuzzy feeling I've been seeking all this time. I've an inbuild defense mechanism that steers me away from feeling soft and vunerable. I know now why I never felt that way. It was because I never let myself get as far as to feel anything. I wall myself up so solid not even the sea can break into my heart. I don't think I have anyone to blame for that, perhaps just some guy syndrome I developed from endless beatings from adults during my childhood. Geez I really think it's affecting me in ways I never thought it would.

Ah well, so I've had another breakthru today. Then again maybe I'd find out another problem about myself tomorrow. Hahaha, don't think this will ever end, except until I die. Here's a poem of self discovery before I go.

Poem (Touchy or No?)

Touchy, Feely, Ethereal fire eats my soul,
Romance, Mushy, Something gnaws a hole.
Stalwart, Cold, Feeling fine,
Feelings, Unknown, Which are mine.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Emotions?

I've always felt that I might be less than human. I could never associate myself with any emotions other than anger, fear and hate. I do not feel the love that so many have talked about, I do not understand the implications of Justice and loyalty that drives so many of us. But I feel them in a mix of emotions of Fear, Hate and Anger. Like to me, loyalty would be the mix of Fear of losing good friends and Anger at those who betray that trust. And Love would merely be the fear of losing someone whom I know exists but not because there's a connection of feeling between me or the other person. But I have never felt emotions the other way around. Love has never driven me to hate someone or loyalty has never once made me do something that was of my better judgement. Is there something wrong with me? I do not seem to feel the warm fuzzy feeling whenever I do a good deed, I did not feel a connection with any of my previous girl friends. Am I doomed to an eternity of feeling nothing but anger, hate and fear? Perhaps this is hell and I've been stripped of my ability to feel as punishment.

But what's this Peace

Okay, I lied about feeling just Anger, Fear and Hate. Recently I've also felt a strange sense of peace and calm that I have never felt before. Lol but this isn't love or any of the other feelings I've hungered to find. Nonetheless it was a welcomed emotion which I found comes often when I'm not involved in any human interaction whatsoever. Then again I suspect men and women have much more differences than originally suspected. It goes far beyond physcial, beyond mental and maybe even beyond the spiritual level. So perhaps I exist at such a level where no one would ever connect with me. Hahaha, I'm too cold, too calculative perhaps even too smart for my own good. Well I'm gonna leave this post as it is and let you people wonder if I'm ever gonna come to a proper conclusion.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Revelation

Slept at 12am, woke up at 4.30am. Felt refreshed, is there something wrong with this picture? I woke up without the help of alarm clocks or anyone to bump me out of bed. If I didn't know better, I might suspect it's my body responding to my constant oversleeping during the previous 2 months. But then again who knows that might be exactly what is happening.

Weirdness

What makes a person weird? Is it because he's Geeky or maybe he's just a Loser. Or wait, perhaps it's because your in a bad mood or your in the mood to make someone's life a living hell. Hahaha, oh well perhaps, just perhaps it's because the person's DIFFERENT. Oh yeah, just because they are different means they aren't worth your time. Just because they don't see things the way you do, means that they are FREAKS. LOL I so do enjoy this degradation of everything.... but then again whose to say it's not FREAKISH behaviour?

So let's review this, if you keep an open mind you'd be deemed an ambassator. But THAT'S ONLY if you know how to FIT IN to the different groups when opportunity rises. Otherwise your a just another FREAK whose trying to fit in. LOL.... that's pretty much it I'd say. Thus all you people out there whose trying to be unique or different, know this:"Your only an individual IF your totally free from seeking other people's opinion about you. Otherwise your gonna be just another social outcast whom no one's ever gonna remember."

Depressing ain't it? hahaha.... it's meant to be! Life's Good only if your out there doing things that make you feel good. Yeah, if helping others is your thing, then helping others is a "good" thing to do. If being a sadistic bastard appeals to you, then go ahead, the only repecussions would be your future lynching lol.... I mean to each his/her own. So what if your girlfriend doesn't love you, if your both in it for the sex and you don't care, go ahead... lol.... it's true, you'd be happier that way, rather than trying to work out your differences and have a "proper" relationship. Only Hell knows how many have tried and failed.

But then again such a philosophy can only get you so far. Then you'd start to get bored, the so called "dreams" and happiness comes all too easily. ("Remember you'd only be happy if you LET yourself be") Then because of the sadistic twist in human nature, you'd start to feel a vacuumed Void within your heart. And then you'd realize that the good things in life ain't what it's cut out to be, UNLESS you've gone thru HELL and back to get there. Yes, a bitter journey makes the fruit twice as sweet. Love lost and found again is said to have no equal. This delusional frenzy is what the human spirit THRIVES on. There is NO HUMAN ALIVE that will not feel this way. So what if your the leader of the biggest and most powerful country in the world? If you never earned that position with blood and sweat, you'd never savour the moment you step up to that position.

The greatest heroes of the past have always longed for something they could never have. A peaceful and mundane life filled with the simple pleasures. Whereas the peasant folk has always envied the heroes and the recognition they would get. Lol such is the fate of all human kind. Maybe except Budda, he lived a life of luxury when he was young, then lived a life filled with misery during his youth. After that he realized that to taste life fully, was to live the "middle" way. What's this elusive middle way? Well it's actually kinda hard to explain, perhaps the simplest way I can put it, is to say that when you eat, don't eat until your full but eat until your just not hungry. That in essense would be the middle way. LOL Heck if I follow that way, I KNOW about it, well that doesn't mean I have to abide by it's rules now do I?

Greatest Sin a man could have, is perhaps Ignorance. But what happens when a man purposefully commits a sin? Then he's enlightened... lol... He knows that it's wrong, but then again if he knows that he doesn't commit the sin, he will be tormented internally which could be worse than hell itself, so he commits the sin, fully aware of what's going to happen to him. God does not forgive the ignorant and he may punish them an additional 10 fold because they have refused to acknowledge the sin. May God have mercy on the ignorant for I know he'd have no mercy upon me.

Isn't it Ironic that in Heaven, people who are good are showered with gifts and a comfortable life, while on earth they must not be seeking material comfort? But yet in Hell, people suffer for all of eternity because their evil? Wait a min, revelation, that would mean Heaven and Hell would essentially be the same place. Because if you look at it. Heaven and hell should be opposed to each other. The good is rewarded in heaven and to maintain a balance, evil should also be rewarded in hell. Otherwise there'd be no balance. Thus what I think is heaven and hell, perhaps is this. People who has done good deeds whist they were alive were rewarded with God's Blessing and people who has done evil deeds are visited by God's wraith. Essentially Devils are so called "Fallen Angels" lol..... and if in hell you suffer for eternity, would mean that the so called Devils are merely carrying out God's orders. That would mean they were merely assigned to Hell and given a makeover... hehehe...

I do not think I'm the only person who has come up with this point of view and I do not think I'd be the last either. But I do believe one thing, religion has ruled the human race for more than 10 thousand years. It will not be so easy to change that fact in the near future. If you do not fear the religion, fear the fanatics that worship it.

I am a naturally god fearing man but I also feel a duty to educate the people I know with knowledge granted to me by the grace of the Lord Almighty. I know this is God's will only because he has granted me the knowledge I now speak.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Holy SHIT! And I didn't know shit could be holy

Slept at 7am today, woke up 11.45am today.
More awake than I've ever been.
Like WHAT IN THE WORLD?!
Perhaps this is the way my body's telling me, it's time to do something.
Hahaha, eh I think I will do something.
Gonna try and do all the stuff I've been putting off. Maybe alittle workout wouldn't hurt either.
Anyways, GLAD to be up while the rest of the country is more or less awake.
Wouldn't be surprised that most sleepy heads still in dreamland during lunch time ;P

This is an ASS, signing to pass off as an ASSHOLE!

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Another Nightly entry

Hmmm, it's the 4th post already, I guess I might be getting used to this way of putting down my thoughts. Whether be it for the better or worse, I guess only time will tell. Perhaps I've been alittle too straightforward in my previous posts, I think perhaps for the next few posts, I'm gonna be alittle more cryptic and confusing. After all, what good is a readable blog when you don't want other to read you like a book.

So riddles speak shall we

Hourly wanderings, nightly existence.
Hunger overwhelms and food suffice.
Losing oneself in delightful gambles,
Realizing potential left ungained.

Rivers of blood, tears of hate,
Torrent of feeling, Bringer of Fate.
Reveal me not, so if you do,
Consider me humbled, for you I'm blue.

Passions of anger, fists of abadement.
Pacifistic reasoning, unreasonable doubt.
Reasons for hating, reasons for naught,
Loving you, my reasons are caught.

Consider me foolish, consider me bought.
By the world around me, the limits are wrought.
Breaking of rules, always led to humiliation,
Yet keeping of them, does me no good.

Understand and your enlightened,
But if naught, dumb your not.
The soul seeks release, the body falters,
Loving the life, this one now alters.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Cautious precaution

Well, I really hoped no one read my first Blog attempt. But from response from my friends, it seemed there was an unhealthy interest in my matters. I had hoped that more than 1 week of waiting would put them off my ever elusive "self exposé". Really don't like it when people think my blog was funny or dark or even interesting. What I want was just somewhere for me to write down my innermost thoughts without people ever finding out what I thought or felt. But then again idiosyncrasy seems to be on the menu of the day.

What does it mean to be human?

Question: What does it mean to be human, more specifically, what makes us tick?

Answer: Who the fuck cares? But hey I'm just gonna share it anyways. Here's some insight from a guy who watched too much TV and read too much concerning issues like these.

Insight

First things first. What does it mean to be human? There has been so many definitions around the world regarding what it is to be human. Be it to have emotions, to control emotions, human instinct, human behaviour, psychology, etc, etc. The list is endless and also very contradictory.

One side tries to explain that humans are just another species of animals, where our habits emulate much of the animal kingdom. Sayings such as being the "Alpha Wolf" who is the starter of a trend or visionary of an empire, taking the role of the lesser known "Beta Wolf" who maintains and upkeeps a dynasty of the trend or empire are just inferences to our much more animalistic side. Yet though accurate in most accounts, this explaination of humans doesn't quite satisfy the majority of the educated. People who feel they are higher up in society always come up with reasons or explainations on how they are better than the lower echelons of society and why they should continue staying as the elite of society.

So thus comes the myriad of reasons why humans are humans. From the definitions come emotions which built a whole system upon humans grade themselves. Things such as Love, Hate, Fear, Anger led to Honour, Valor, Justic, Betrayal, Evil, Good, Mercy and the list continues. So to be human, to me, it all boils down to the word humanity. Yes a word derived from human is what I believe in. Humanity would be the cumulation of all I've said above and others that would be said in the future. Our humanity includes all our triumphs and failures, for To err is human, that is the basis of all humankind.

Women ruled over men?

Within the last week, I've watched much documentaries, news broadcasts, soap operas, mtv videos, business secrets. And also read a Diablo novel, played couple of MMORPGs and standard single player computer games. Not to mention find out my uncle got into a car accident and he's currently in hospital.

Among one of the more interesting documentaries, was one that tried to explain stonehedge and other monolithtic monuments of similar origins. In the documentary, they tried explaining that in the past where at the end of the ice age, humans weren't humans yet. But rather they were a species called homo erectus ("Guys out there please don't make this into another sex joke, we have enough already")

The Ice Age

The homo erectus were one of the survivors of the ice age, during the ice age humans were living much like elephants. Yes you heard me elephants, if you don't know how elephant communities were like here's a short introduction. Elephants live in an all female society, where the oldest female in the herd would be the "Matriarch" the only males in the herd would be young males who has not reached maturity. Then when the males reach maturity, they are kicked out by the herd and only allowed back during the mating period. But, humans during the ice age weren't all female societies but rather they were ruled by the females in the tribe.

Why, now it gets alittle more interesting, you see, during the ice age, there weren't any plants readily available for humans to eat. Thus humans resorted to hunting huge animals such as mammoths for their survival. Yes you heard me right, humans were living on a pure animal diet. Don't look surprised, people WON'T die because they have an all meat diet, you don't see killer whales eating seaweed now do you or even cheetahs grazing for that matter. So as humans needed to hunt, the males were the physically stronger of the two sexes and so he's more adept and more likely to be out hunting while the women stay at the tribe. Now wouldn't you be BORED if you had to stay back and wait hours upon hours for food? So thus the role of culture, child bearing, society had fallen to the hands of the women. The women would be like Queens and could influence important decisions within a tribe.

With all that done and said, what in the world would that be connected with the stonehedge and other monolithtic monuments? There's more you gotta know before the picture came clear. Firstly you already know that humans were dominated by women and men had to go out hunting. What you might not know would be that humans had to hunt at night. Yes, predators almost always hunt at night so that their prey is sleepy and easier to capture. Thus because humans back in the ice age were nocturnal animals, ("All you night owls out there rejoice! It's primal human instinct to stay up at night.")

Religions began forming around the moon. The moon would be considered very important to the humans as it determined whether or not they would have enough light to hunt. Thus many rituals formed around full moons and moonless nights. The moon also determined the female menstrual cycle and thus many women laid claim upon being Priestesses and Leaders to their people. All the male hunters would seek the counsel of their female leader before attempting a hunting expedition. There's also an issue of when there's not enough moon light to conduct hunts, then the females would allow mating within the tribe. ("Kinky huh? hahaha...")

Religion

So now you know there's many religions which are considered "PAGAN" now ("Pagan meaning taboo or forbidden") which originated from human culture way back to the period of the Ice Age. Why are these pagan worships considered taboo now? Well mainly because with several rituals, it's customary to have animalistic orgies and extreme cases sacrifices of people to be made.("DO NOT ASK ME HOW I GET SOME OF THE INFORMATION I DO.") Thus people in the Ice Age flourished and the moon became a tool for women to hold power over men.

Then came the end of the Ice Age. The big animals of the age slowly disappeared and humans had nothing to eat. Eventually people found out about growing food. ("This was thru thousands of years of trial and error") And thus they had to be awake in the day instead of the night, this causes much fear in the humans of the Ice Age. One of the worries would be the loss of their culture which might have existed for thousands of years. Eventually opposing religions of people worshipping the sun and people worshipping the moon came to a cresendo. Society was slowly changing from a female dominant to a male dominant. Thus through this period of animosity and strive, came the scholars of the time. ("Yes there were smart people back in the past, do not think all our ancestors were retards")

Do not be surprised as there was knowledge back then which are still used today. Anyways these scholars would be the decendants of the "Priestesses" back during the time of the Ice Age. They knew the cycles of the moon and thru time, they also knew the cycle of the sun. During the early times after the Ice Age, the "Priests" knew that if they could get the support of BOTH the Moon worshippers and the Sun worshippers, they would be more powerful than just garnering the support of one.

Thus the idea of uniting the human race was conceived to show both sun and moon worshippers that they "Controlled" both the Sun and the Moon. The idea of Stone Hedge was formed. Stone Hedge had a center hole when you look thru it from the "Viewing stone" You'd see that it's split into 2 "Windows" These two windows were one on top of the other. The higher window would catch the moon as it decends on a monthly cycle and the sun would be caught in the bottom window in every 18.6 years. Thus the "Priests" would show the public that during that time, the sun and the moon were one and the same and they ruled the humans with knowledge of the sun and the moon.

So what did I learn in the end?

Thus lesson learnt, what is happening today through out the world with people having sleeping disorders is not a phenomenon but rather a repeat of history. We sometimes find a calling deep into our souls from a distant and forgotten past. Where night was day and day was night. Where women ruled and men worked. Perhaps those legends of Amazons weren't so unbelievable after all huh?

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

No doubt the first paragraph is the most obvious, it is also the most redundant.

Alright, this is a follow up to my very first post. I might have forgotten to do a degrading self intro that so plagues this line of writing. I'm a guy, whose straight but occassionally do have funny ideas about being Bi, but it never comes close cause I am far too lazy to find out if I'm truly attracted to both sexes. For now I am content to know I like girls, period.

Why I'm what I am today.

I'm living here in Singapore, with most of my childhood years spent in an extremely brutal and violent household. Well I remember most of my childhood years while I lived with my Mother's parent's house, where brutality was discipline. I grew up enduring smacks, canings and downright plummeting from my uncles and aunties and even my grandparents. It actually came to a point where I was punished for anything that went wrong in the household. Be it when I do the right thing, or do the wrong thing, I would beaten nearly to a pulp by the uncaring adults. Once I almost went blind when my uncle caned my eyes repeatedly while I kept them closed. But hey, right now, haha no one would dare lay a finger on me. You'd see why soon enough.

You would think I would have forgotten things like that already huh?

Statement: Fact of life

Affection wasn't shown to me thru hugs and kisses, but rather being showered with material goods such as toys and games was supposed to be love. Whose to complain eh? Hahaha, well to each his own again I say.

So there is a beginning?

Main reason why I had to live with my Grandparent's place for several years was because my father who was in the furniture business was forced to wind down his business here in Singapore in the slight depression of 1987. Thus we were forced to sell our house at Faber Gardens (For those interested it's along Upper Thomson Rd) and move to my Grandparent's place. My father was desperate to find a way to support the family and in the end, he travelled to Indonesia to work for another company. Until today, he has risen up from being a mere worker to the co-owner of the business. Well I don't really blame him for what has happened to me, infact I guess I should be grateful that he never gave up and ended up providing alot of material comforts most Singaporeans would envy. Haha, perhaps always getting what you want wasn't very healthy for a boy who grew up in an environment where brutality and violence was the best way to solve any problems.

Anyways... back to my life story which happens to be something I want to write down, but don't expect anyone to read.

Sibling Rivalry

Well, I have 2 younger brothers, both which I was extremely violent with during my younger years. Well, I kinda broke out of the violence when I was 14, when in anger, I punched the middle brother on the lips and it swelled to triple it's size for a week. I realized my strength and swore never again to use violence on humans. Well after that, in an effort to cull my violent nature out of me, I broke three 1 inch solid glass table tops, a 1.5 inch glass door and broke every knuckle on both my hands punching solid brick walls. My mother actually told me to stop punching the walls cause there were cracks forming where I was punching it for a week. In total it took me 6 years to get the violent instinct out of me. I no longer have to control using my fists when anger consumes me. I merely give a tongue lashing that hurts twice as much, but that's better than the person going to the hospital.

When you lose trust of somebody, will you ever think of trusting the person again?

Right now, I'm trying to mend ties with my brothers. It isn't easy I tell ya, the trust and security just isn't there. The fear and respect that I've gotten thru brute force evapourated when I mended my old ways. How can you earn trust and repect from the people you've brutalized when your younger? Pacifism only served for them to ignore my pleas that I'm no longer what I once were. At times I fear the only way for me to regain what I lost would be to revert to my older self. The only problem would be that that person no longer existed. And it's going to be next to impossible for me to change back to what I was.

Mental Picture

Hahaha, if you know me and your reading this, you'd know that I've got a solid build and also trained in the art of Judo, I've got a brown belt in that not that it really matters. But what you wouldn't know would be that I've also picked up Jujitsu and have been training our singapore army regulars and even the commandos the art of Jujitsu under the tutorlege of my Sensei. well I've stopped training when I had to do my Industrial Attachment to complete my diploma. Well this was the reason why none of the people that hit me before dared to hit me again. But if it was me, I would not retaliate unless it was a matter of life and death. Martial arts teach us to tolerate and never to instigate anyone into a fight. Main reason, what you learn can kill your opponent who isn't trained in the art. No joke my friends, the arts you learn are as deadly to anyone who isn't prepared to face your attack as a gun shot wound to the chest.

Fear is the path to the Dark Side

Scars in the Battle of Life

Well for those of you that doubt my accounts, your free to examine the scars that have remained on my body. But that's kind of a turn off for me haha.. but then again I doubt anyone out there like to see scars..... I know I don't. Well if anything, I still haven't been able to let down my guard even when I get intimate with another person. It's sad to say that I've never been able to truly open up to another. There always seemed to have a barrier of mistrust and fear that the other person might use what I fear most, against me. Thus it's easier for us to open up to a machine, where it doesn't have emotions to betray us or hurt us with the things we love most. Hahaha, I have had too much time to think about matters like this. One thing I've done in abundance, TOO MUCH SOUL SEARCHING. I've been able to come up with so much excuses to explain "how I got here" and thus forgetting to plan for "how I'm getting there".

Happy Ending?

Well I'm feeling better now, having parted with a piece of the pain that I've bottled up within me it feels as if my heart's forming a crack as a faint beat echoes thru it's hardened hollow walls.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

And the Madness starts

Wow is it truly so easy to start writing a journal? or rather a blog in this case.
Heh, if only life was ever so simple. Well I was going to wonder at what I would be writing
in this first ever blog of mine. Perhaps some angst to prove a point that doesn't exist.
Perhaps something that would help me blow off steam. Then again, perhaps not.

Musings of a poorly loved Pig

Why do people do the things they do? Is it really because they chose to do it?
I don't know, some people keep telling me that they do it because they want to,
while others tell me they didn't have much of a choice on what they had to do.
Whom am I to believe? Perhaps only time will tell, or maybe I should just follow my heart?

Life's really good at throwing curved balls at ya, I for one understand just how often this happens.
Just in December my brother received a letter from school telling us that he's expelled.
Then in January, the school rejected his appeal. Things looked pretty grim back then.
Then would you know it, we attended an open house on universities from the States and KAPOW!
My brother's working on his portfolio to try and apply for one of the top schools for Computer arts and design.

Well curved balls aren't always good news though, haha... Anyways back to angsty self pity.
I love myself, NOT! That's usually the first step into vanity and a world where I end up as a stuck up Jerk ass.
I know myself, NOT! Well the problem is, no matter how well you think you know yourself,
there's always something that would come along and change your mind. My solution to this?
Keep an open mind, don't restrict yourself and what your SUPPOSED to be liking.
Heck who knows? You might even like what's coming to ya. But then again many would frown upon this and say I'm a person with no personality and style. Hey, to each his own I always say. Why must I like what YOU like inorder to be "NORMAL" hahaha if they are into things such as shoe fetishes, where would that leave me? eh? *nudge* *nudge*

Confessions of a pig in human clothing

Well, I admit I'm actually a pig in disguise, only difference between me and the other guys, I tell it like it is. I'm DA MEANEST, LAZIEST, DOWNRIGHT ermm.... hmmm besides being mean and lazy, there isn't much I tend to do. Hahaha, I don't bully, well not anymore because I've been converted to pacifism by some supernatural force I do not care to explain.

Pigs DO FLY

Oh well.... life stories aside, piggishness aside, I'm a pretty witless person who loves inflicting different sorts of pain upon myself. You can say I'm a masochist to the extreme. Besides for the obvious physical pain, I constantly get emotionally battered and psychologically mauled. Well most of it is my own doing too.... *sigh* Pain is such an effective way to know your ALIVE and not burning in eternity in a bright and happy and ARTIFICIAL place I like to call heaven. hahaha.... irony huh? I always thought heaven would be FREAKY because of the amount of NICENESS and feeling of detachment from one's human emotions. HOW CAN ANYONE EVER be NICE FOREVER? It's not in the basic human nature. Then again perhaps god is just telling us the next step in our immortal lives would be to lose our humanity? Who knows and more importantly, who CARES hahaha.... I sure don't... that's why I keep talking about it.

Focused to LOSE Focus

From reality to divinity, am I making a whole lot of sense? Perhaps not, then again this blog wasn't about making sense in the first place. It's a place that I decided would be best to just let out whatever "deepness" or in Singaporean, "CHIMness" that strikes my fancy.

Will the INSANITY never end?!

Next on my list of to-Dos, hmmm here's something, I'm gonna post some pretty outrageous ideas and hope that someone actually comes and use them.... cause I SURE AIN'T gonna do CRAP about them... haha they just pop in my head and my lazy body ain't doing jack about it... Gotta love human nature.

Uh-oh there he goes again

First up, how to get UNLIMITED energy for the entire human race. Yes I said it. I've got the answer to that ever elusive question of what are humans gonna do when we finally run out of OIL. And NO, sadly it has NOTHING to do with the Matrix... hahaha....no human batteries here. So here's the idea in short, I'm gonna harness Solar power, but the solar panels aren't gonna be taking up our precious space down here on earth. Infact, it's gonna take up space where it doesn't really matter, in SPACE hahaha.... get it? I mean really.... we could build solar power plants that orbit the earth.... in an orbit such that they will never be blocked by the earth or the moon.

Kk, I know it sounds crazy right now, but look at it this way, we have countless satellies in our inner space right now. They are on a degatory orbit which was planned from the day they were launched. Either that or they can alter their own orbit into a degatory one when their time in space is up. Most of them have solar panels so they can have a nearly limitless source of power while up in space. Thus having minimal maintainence such as recharging.... heh.... whoever wants to recharge a satellie's gotta be crazy in his own right.
Thus with this idea in mind, we've got several options of unlimited energy.

Let's humour him shall we?

First option, we have massive solar powerplants in the space around earth and we use "batteries" that we'd have to bring to and fro these stations via frequent space flights. But it's just a silly option that's gonna be moronic because of the massive costs involved in space flight with our current technology.

Second option, this is gonna shock you guys... literally hehe.... because if you actually follow our current technology plans, we've already have a technology that can transmit electricity to and from electronic devices thru the AIR... yesh boys and girls you heard me, thru the very air you breath in. In case you want to further this claim, go look at the blue tooth technology white papers. Yes white papers are the technology blue prints.... sort of like a blue print of a building where you can see how does the technology run. Blue tooth manufacturers have always decided AGAINST self powered blue tooth devices, (YES they did come up with a batteryless headset where all you have to do is turn on the power button and the headset draws power thru the AIR from your blue tooth base station.) Reason being, they weren't sure if people felt safe knowing that electricity is passing thru the air and into their headsets or other devices. Well, NOW you know, things I'm saying AIN'T out of no science fiction, it's very REAL science FACT. heehe..... amen to that.

GOD does he know how to shut up?

Anyways that step done and over with, we could have 2 sets of satellites rotating around earth, first layer would be the ones directly receiving the solar power in space, what's up with the second layer you may ask, well the technology I just talked about is only possible if there's AIR lol.... incase you didn't notice... thus the need for the 2nd layer of satellites.... these 2nd layer satellites gotta have a different design. Firstly, they don't really have the standard solar panels, because the earth's atmosphere kinda strips away much of the power of the sun. secondly, the way these satellites gonna receive energy would have to be a different wavelength, much like the wave length of microwave. Firstly, why something like microwave, it can go thru space. Secondly it is a technology we currently have. We could get the First tier satellites to transmit the energy to the Second Tier Satellites Via microwave or other "safer" wavelengths if the government would only allow me to experiment... hehe.. oh well.... back to the idea. These Second tier satellites could then transmit the power to any device that needed it on the planet.... imagine, NO MORE POWERPLANTS! hahaha... AND, you can turn on any electrical device anywhere in the world, as long as you have access to external AIR.... amazing huh? It's all possible, except if you want to live indoors, it's a simple matter of storing it thru batteries with spares that you can just leave in the open air while you work.

FINALLY LIGHT AT THE END OF TUNNEL!

Hehehe... if you got thru even 1/10 of what I wrote above, GO GET A LIFE! Cause only people like me, whom spend my time conceptualizing things out of boredom can come up with such crazy ideas. Anyways on MORE CRAZY ideas I'm most probly gonna post tomorrow or as soon as I can get my lazy butt up to do it.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow