Birthday galore

Well I found out two days ago that it was going to be my favourite god sister's birthday she also happens to be my cousin. Sigh, what's more it was thru ICQ too. Well I did offer to get her a present but then again she refused and I was forced to give her just good luck so that she'd do well in her upcoming exams. BAH I should be happy I'm not going to be spending what little money I have. But it's been so long since I even remembered her Birthday and I'm feeling bad about it. Hahaha, oh no this is getting to be like a normal person's BITCHING BLOG OMG SHIT!

Okay last paragraph in bitching about stupid things that's bugging me. Well then I found out that another of my friend from Israel was having her birthday on the day after. Hahaha, weirdly enough I just thought to ask her when her birthday was and it just happened to be the day after. No icq reminders or thinly veiled hints haha... just pure luck. Strange indeed.

Enough of this nonsense

I know why now perhaps I am supposedly devoid of the fuzzy feeling I've been seeking all this time. I've an inbuild defense mechanism that steers me away from feeling soft and vunerable. I know now why I never felt that way. It was because I never let myself get as far as to feel anything. I wall myself up so solid not even the sea can break into my heart. I don't think I have anyone to blame for that, perhaps just some guy syndrome I developed from endless beatings from adults during my childhood. Geez I really think it's affecting me in ways I never thought it would.

Ah well, so I've had another breakthru today. Then again maybe I'd find out another problem about myself tomorrow. Hahaha, don't think this will ever end, except until I die. Here's a poem of self discovery before I go.

Poem (Touchy or No?)

Touchy, Feely, Ethereal fire eats my soul,
Romance, Mushy, Something gnaws a hole.
Stalwart, Cold, Feeling fine,
Feelings, Unknown, Which are mine.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow