The day that I was born
Yeah it's the day of the year where I was born. It used to be that on this day I would be really look forward to celebrations and stuff like that. But of course now as I'm officially a quarter of a century old, I'm going to join the 80% of the world population that don't celebrate their day of birth. Yeah most people don't put a significance on the day that they were born. Why? Well simply because it's not in their culture or they simply don't have the resources to go on celebrating if their busy dying or earning a hard living in some poor country.
So I suppose I'm finally one of the majority. And the strangest thing is, I don't feel any different. Some people might say that is the feeling of being jaded but I totally disagree. I kinda feel like a burden is dropped from my shoulders, I have one less thing I have to worry about when the years past me by. One less reminder that I'm getting older and my mortality hangs precariously because of my BMI.
Doctors did say that I'd probably get a heart attack before the age of 35 and a stroke before 45 if the heart attack doesn't kill me first. Haha, well that maybe true but I suppose I'm taking small steps to overcome that scenario. First thing I've done was to start working out as often as I could. Started jogging like a snail early this year, at least I've progressed to jogging like a tortoise now combined with a tiny fraction of sit ups and push ups everyday. But the frequency could be more, average 5 times a week so far and only 1 1/2 hours of working out every session doesn't seem to cut it. But still with work and study, I find it so difficult to push myself past that point.
Perhaps it's in the genes or something, that much is true. My body doesn't seem to want to change from it's old self. It's still much the same from the time I was at Alexandra Hospital and my body almost feels like it's rejecting the changes and trying to change back to the way I was when I tore my knee which of course was a quivering lump of fat. It's an extremely painful process trying to get my body to listen to me. Running everyday regardless of my energy level tests my mental fortitude so fucking much. Especially these couple of weeks when I have less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Today's afternoon run almost felt like my mind was exploding while I struggled near the end.
I suppose, studying hard for straight As, working 15 hours a week, finding out more research material on my possible internship with I2R and attempting to exercise almost everyday has my body on the verge of turning into a total wreck. But I'm afraid that the moment I try to rest, everything will fall into pieces like they did last year. I can smell my soul burning up as my gear has been stuck permanently on overdrive since March. Hopefully I don't disintegrate before I reach the first 2 weeks school holiday. At least then I'd just have to worry more about the internship without worrying about my grades.
Bah, what the heck?! I am a bloody worry wreck! Away with doubt! Sigh... Oh well on with the rest of my life. Fuck the consequences, I will have mutual understanding with my body and stop it's rebellious nature, get my damn As and do as much as I possibly can before I leave this planet. Pain is temporary, Glory is Forever! Alauz Out!
Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Friday, June 08, 2007
Two Rights don't make a Wrong
Either I'm going crazy or I'm suffering from sleep deprivation. I think it's a little bit of both. Taking some chinese medicine in the past when the government hasn't banned the mercury content probably has me going partially insane as we speak. As you all know, mercury attacks our nerves and eventually turns us into quivering lumps of flesh incapable of any rational thought.
But looking from a short term point of view, it's probably because I'm partially non-logical and base alot of my assumptions on my right brain that I've been able to resist a small portion of the social programming the government is trying to do. Thankfully I'm not some brainless moron that's going all out to get married, have 2 kids and think of nothing but bringing this country to greater glory. Right now, I suppose I'm just a moron overly addled by mercury poisoning cause by some chinese medicine I've taken before I was even old enough to think for myself.
Lacking the basic drive to succeed drilled into my mentality, what the heck makes me tick now? It's probably because of my pursuit of what I deem to be fun for me. Yeah, the learning process is probably what I find the most fun about anything. I questioned myself on what I thought was the most fun part about playing video games and I eventually figured out that learning to play the game was probably the best of playing any game to me. Thus I began applying it to school when I started my uni life here at UB. It's really revolutionized the whole process that I go about studying and I literally went without playing games because there simply wasn't any new games that could cope with my learning curve to remain fun anymore.
I probably will pick up Starcraft 2 when it comes out, mainly to learn how different is to game to play as compared to Command & Conquer 3 and watch the AWESOME movies in it. And also, C&C 3 was alittle boring. It took me merely 14 hours to complete the game and crush every form of brutal AI in all the multiplayer maps included with the game. I ended that affair sadly because I had expected much more from the AI. Perhaps EA was being nice to the new players who were picking up C&C3, but I felt that their brutal computers should have had better employment of tactics than just having more resources and having the same response to every tactic as an easy computer.
I think that the tactics used to draw in new players, the single player games and MMOG market would be the simple game play. But then they also have a responsibility to increase the Intellect of the these gamers by slowly increasing the difficulty of the harder AI to employ different tactics instead of just raw brute power. Players should have an AI that is able to employ complicated tactics and LEARN from the responses taken by the players so that they may even learn a new tactic to employ or learn how to counter the players using the tactics learned from the players themselves.
Yeah, I mentioned long time ago that my interest in games lie predominantly in a pure artificial intelligence complete with emotions and basic instincts. When will it become a reality? I suppose that's why I'm doing research right now on gaming psychology. To better understand how to create artificial intelligence, I gotta know what IS human intelligence and it's response to a computing environment. Otherwise the AI will never be replicated to resemble anything remotely human in an online environment.
Artifical intelligence, it's so difficult to create it because we put the word "Artificial" in the front. In reality, what we're actually trying to create IS Intelligence. Something that's more than the sum of it's parts. Perhaps to play god, perhaps we don't want to be all alone in the universe. Whatever the reasons other have, my hopes are that one day there will be 2 ways that humans can be brought into this world, one from a physical womb and the other one is born from electronic womb. If indeed we are alone in this universe, then it's about time we created a species that can share this vastness of infinity with our lonesome selves. Creation will take many years so meanwhile I seek to understand how humans learn via communicating here at UB.
Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow
Either I'm going crazy or I'm suffering from sleep deprivation. I think it's a little bit of both. Taking some chinese medicine in the past when the government hasn't banned the mercury content probably has me going partially insane as we speak. As you all know, mercury attacks our nerves and eventually turns us into quivering lumps of flesh incapable of any rational thought.
But looking from a short term point of view, it's probably because I'm partially non-logical and base alot of my assumptions on my right brain that I've been able to resist a small portion of the social programming the government is trying to do. Thankfully I'm not some brainless moron that's going all out to get married, have 2 kids and think of nothing but bringing this country to greater glory. Right now, I suppose I'm just a moron overly addled by mercury poisoning cause by some chinese medicine I've taken before I was even old enough to think for myself.
Lacking the basic drive to succeed drilled into my mentality, what the heck makes me tick now? It's probably because of my pursuit of what I deem to be fun for me. Yeah, the learning process is probably what I find the most fun about anything. I questioned myself on what I thought was the most fun part about playing video games and I eventually figured out that learning to play the game was probably the best of playing any game to me. Thus I began applying it to school when I started my uni life here at UB. It's really revolutionized the whole process that I go about studying and I literally went without playing games because there simply wasn't any new games that could cope with my learning curve to remain fun anymore.
I probably will pick up Starcraft 2 when it comes out, mainly to learn how different is to game to play as compared to Command & Conquer 3 and watch the AWESOME movies in it. And also, C&C 3 was alittle boring. It took me merely 14 hours to complete the game and crush every form of brutal AI in all the multiplayer maps included with the game. I ended that affair sadly because I had expected much more from the AI. Perhaps EA was being nice to the new players who were picking up C&C3, but I felt that their brutal computers should have had better employment of tactics than just having more resources and having the same response to every tactic as an easy computer.
I think that the tactics used to draw in new players, the single player games and MMOG market would be the simple game play. But then they also have a responsibility to increase the Intellect of the these gamers by slowly increasing the difficulty of the harder AI to employ different tactics instead of just raw brute power. Players should have an AI that is able to employ complicated tactics and LEARN from the responses taken by the players so that they may even learn a new tactic to employ or learn how to counter the players using the tactics learned from the players themselves.
Yeah, I mentioned long time ago that my interest in games lie predominantly in a pure artificial intelligence complete with emotions and basic instincts. When will it become a reality? I suppose that's why I'm doing research right now on gaming psychology. To better understand how to create artificial intelligence, I gotta know what IS human intelligence and it's response to a computing environment. Otherwise the AI will never be replicated to resemble anything remotely human in an online environment.
Artifical intelligence, it's so difficult to create it because we put the word "Artificial" in the front. In reality, what we're actually trying to create IS Intelligence. Something that's more than the sum of it's parts. Perhaps to play god, perhaps we don't want to be all alone in the universe. Whatever the reasons other have, my hopes are that one day there will be 2 ways that humans can be brought into this world, one from a physical womb and the other one is born from electronic womb. If indeed we are alone in this universe, then it's about time we created a species that can share this vastness of infinity with our lonesome selves. Creation will take many years so meanwhile I seek to understand how humans learn via communicating here at UB.
Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Overloadeous
And it's officially been more than 1 week since I've had time to breathe, much less post a blog. Well technically I could have posted a blog, but it'd be at a cost that I would be not willing to sacrifice. Let's see what happened since the last post? Hmmm, there was work done at my workplace. I finally found a way to bring a mug from home to the office, had a quiz, an essay to complete, finished a mid-term exam and homework to do during the days that I didn't get to post.
Mmmm, what else was there that I've still left to do? Oh yeah, I just finished 2 portfolio assignments for my communications class as well. Mmm and then also my economics homework is left hanging with my bonus question hanging in the balance. Tired as heck... Slept like 4 hours or less every night since the day I last posted. Looking more like a panda every day. Haha, serves me right to choose to work and study at the same time.
Oh well, the price of attempting financial independence. Oh yeah, and I missed out my daily jogging for Monday, why? I tore out my soles of my shoes after only 3 freaking weeks of running almost daily. New Balance Sucks damn it. I'm going to see if anyone's available to get a pair with me this evening. Anyone who wants to take me up on that offer can just give me a call on my handphone.
Other than that, what else have I got to say before I finish this blog entry? Oh well besides the fact that I'm feeling dead on the outside, the funny thing is I'm feeling quite satisfied on the inside. It's probably because I feel a small sense of achievement of not having a total physical and mental breakdown handling this overload of work. Well, back to work now. I'm going to break all barriers hopefully. Oh and yeah, E I found another person named E. Probably gonna ask her to coach my chinese.
With all that said and done, let me leave you guys with another poorly thought and written poem. Alauz OUT!!!
Juggler
As the days fly by, neverending cycle of fun and pain.
As the days past by, the repeat of flowers and death.
As the days swallow time, people come and go.
As the days become years, memories are all that are left.
As the days are mine alone, days are for work, learn and play!
Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow
And it's officially been more than 1 week since I've had time to breathe, much less post a blog. Well technically I could have posted a blog, but it'd be at a cost that I would be not willing to sacrifice. Let's see what happened since the last post? Hmmm, there was work done at my workplace. I finally found a way to bring a mug from home to the office, had a quiz, an essay to complete, finished a mid-term exam and homework to do during the days that I didn't get to post.
Mmmm, what else was there that I've still left to do? Oh yeah, I just finished 2 portfolio assignments for my communications class as well. Mmm and then also my economics homework is left hanging with my bonus question hanging in the balance. Tired as heck... Slept like 4 hours or less every night since the day I last posted. Looking more like a panda every day. Haha, serves me right to choose to work and study at the same time.
Oh well, the price of attempting financial independence. Oh yeah, and I missed out my daily jogging for Monday, why? I tore out my soles of my shoes after only 3 freaking weeks of running almost daily. New Balance Sucks damn it. I'm going to see if anyone's available to get a pair with me this evening. Anyone who wants to take me up on that offer can just give me a call on my handphone.
Other than that, what else have I got to say before I finish this blog entry? Oh well besides the fact that I'm feeling dead on the outside, the funny thing is I'm feeling quite satisfied on the inside. It's probably because I feel a small sense of achievement of not having a total physical and mental breakdown handling this overload of work. Well, back to work now. I'm going to break all barriers hopefully. Oh and yeah, E I found another person named E. Probably gonna ask her to coach my chinese.
With all that said and done, let me leave you guys with another poorly thought and written poem. Alauz OUT!!!
Juggler
As the days fly by, neverending cycle of fun and pain.
As the days past by, the repeat of flowers and death.
As the days swallow time, people come and go.
As the days become years, memories are all that are left.
As the days are mine alone, days are for work, learn and play!
Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow
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