The day that I was born

Yeah it's the day of the year where I was born. It used to be that on this day I would be really look forward to celebrations and stuff like that. But of course now as I'm officially a quarter of a century old, I'm going to join the 80% of the world population that don't celebrate their day of birth. Yeah most people don't put a significance on the day that they were born. Why? Well simply because it's not in their culture or they simply don't have the resources to go on celebrating if their busy dying or earning a hard living in some poor country.

So I suppose I'm finally one of the majority. And the strangest thing is, I don't feel any different. Some people might say that is the feeling of being jaded but I totally disagree. I kinda feel like a burden is dropped from my shoulders, I have one less thing I have to worry about when the years past me by. One less reminder that I'm getting older and my mortality hangs precariously because of my BMI.

Doctors did say that I'd probably get a heart attack before the age of 35 and a stroke before 45 if the heart attack doesn't kill me first. Haha, well that maybe true but I suppose I'm taking small steps to overcome that scenario. First thing I've done was to start working out as often as I could. Started jogging like a snail early this year, at least I've progressed to jogging like a tortoise now combined with a tiny fraction of sit ups and push ups everyday. But the frequency could be more, average 5 times a week so far and only 1 1/2 hours of working out every session doesn't seem to cut it. But still with work and study, I find it so difficult to push myself past that point.

Perhaps it's in the genes or something, that much is true. My body doesn't seem to want to change from it's old self. It's still much the same from the time I was at Alexandra Hospital and my body almost feels like it's rejecting the changes and trying to change back to the way I was when I tore my knee which of course was a quivering lump of fat. It's an extremely painful process trying to get my body to listen to me. Running everyday regardless of my energy level tests my mental fortitude so fucking much. Especially these couple of weeks when I have less than 5 hours of sleep a day. Today's afternoon run almost felt like my mind was exploding while I struggled near the end.

I suppose, studying hard for straight As, working 15 hours a week, finding out more research material on my possible internship with I2R and attempting to exercise almost everyday has my body on the verge of turning into a total wreck. But I'm afraid that the moment I try to rest, everything will fall into pieces like they did last year. I can smell my soul burning up as my gear has been stuck permanently on overdrive since March. Hopefully I don't disintegrate before I reach the first 2 weeks school holiday. At least then I'd just have to worry more about the internship without worrying about my grades.

Bah, what the heck?! I am a bloody worry wreck! Away with doubt! Sigh... Oh well on with the rest of my life. Fuck the consequences, I will have mutual understanding with my body and stop it's rebellious nature, get my damn As and do as much as I possibly can before I leave this planet. Pain is temporary, Glory is Forever! Alauz Out!

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow