Drive or Passion

Driving Force
I wonder what is it that drives each and everyone of us each day. It's surely different for everyone. I'm not sure what drives you guys, but I sure do what drives me for the moment. It's the thirst for knowledge. Strange thing that keeps me alive doesn't it? Haha, by the way the knowledge is not just book or academia. It's also fresh experiences, in love, work, family, the works. Knowing that each day has something new for me to experience, be it good or bad, really makes me want to be alive for the next day.

Brain damage?
Some of you guys would think I've got some serious trauma or something to stay alive just for the sake of the experiences in life. But then again, what could drive a man longer than life's experiences? If a man were to live for love, then wouldn't he be in danger of dying if he had a break up? Well or he could suddenly feel that he's lost all meaning in life. Well you guys know where that normally leads. So I decided to live life just for the sake of life itself. I should just give it a chance to show me what it has to offer.

Open minded fool
Yeap I'm one believer of the motto "Live each day as if it's your last" and also "Try everything at least once". Who knows when one might get a "transfer" to the great beyond? Who knows if one day you might be rich then the next you would be poor? You can't possibly chart everything in your life so well AND have fun at the same time. Hahaha, unless FUN is charting your life's ups and downs.

But to each their own, I am me, you are you and we are all one big dysfunctional family. If we weren't dysfunctional, imagine all the loss of careers out there? No more family police, family courts, child support, the works. I bet you half the legal community wouldn't even exist if we weren't a problematic race that couldn't live a "proper" life. Heck normal people are actually the "abnormal" ones. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the so called "Normal" families aren't the majority. Infact, about 80% of the people I know say their families are somewhat "abnormal". By the way, I term abnormal as the fact that you have any dysfunctionality what so ever of ANY kind in your nuclear family.

Nuclear Family?
Oh for you guys out there who don't know the term, it's from sociology or any studies regarding human behavior. Nuclear family means a family that only consists of 2 generations. Parent and Children living under one roof. That's the predominant style of living in most of the developed countries. And yeah, surprise singapore's one of them. I should feel proud, except the fact that the society here isn't ready to be considered a developed country. Give us maybe another 50 years if we're lucky, or 100 years if we need a serious kick in our society's butt before we "mature" enough to have a developed country's mind set.

Right, back to Nuclear Family and dysfunctionality. Most families I know have children with problems, parents with problems or the most common, both with problems. So what now? What do we consider "normal" in our current society's views? I've posed a few veil questions to my friends regarding what do they think makes up a normal family.(you guys reading in, don't worry you never knew why I ask those questions anyway. If you remember at all)

Well, the overall majority answered with a pretty standard answer. I just assumed that it would be our society's views on "normality". I mean what is society? It's the people that make up our community, DUH! So asking my friends in singapore would technically be a very real survey on singapore's views wouldn't it? Well I've got indian, malay, chinese, caucasian, eurasians, heck friends of almost every ethnic group living in singapore. So chances of a biased opinion is slim but as of basic human error, it's always there.

Normality
Oh yeah back to the topic on "What is a normal family". Well, a normal family, it seems to consist of the perfect family make up of the following, One Dad, One Mom, Two Children, One Boy, One Girl. The Dad must have a good job, earn somewhere between 5-10k. The Mom can be either a house wife or a career woman with unlimited time juggling between housework and her career seemlessly. The Boy must have at least above average grades and good in sports, a drop dead gorgeous girlfriend whose also insanely polite. The Girl must have straight A's, sports can be secondary, she also must have the girl next door look, meaning drop dead gorgeous without makeup and if she has a boyfriend, he must be gorgeous, polite, rich and smart.

Idealism vs Normal
So much for normality, if a "normal" family was supposed to be like that, then I'd say 80% of the world's people must be drop dead gorgeous. But that obviously isn't the case now is it? So what's wrong with the answer I deduced? It must be wrong because a typical family anywhere in the world ISN'T like that. If you can tell me there's one country in this world that has above 50% of their family in the state as mentioned in the previous paragraph, then I beg you to tell me where it is. I'd emigrate there in a blink of an eye.

Wrong Answer?
So my friends, normality obviously doesn't mean normal. It seems to imply what's an Ideal family should be like. Well, to most people who don't understand the point I'm shooting across to you, that's exactly the reason why we don't qualify as a developed country. We aren't mature enough to concede the fact that normal means normal. Nothing fancy, no special exceptions. Normal is a range of mediocre things we cannot seem to accept about ourselves. So until the day we finally learn to accept that as a fact. We're never, ever going to be mature enough about things like, abolishing capital punishment, social welfare and pornography.

Bitching and Whining
So yeah I'm bitching and yeah I'm whining too. About what you might ask. I'm sure by now that any singaporean would have lost the patience to continue reading to this point and might have already skipped everything. But I've got to say it, "WAKE THE CRAP UP!" The world sucks, it's not fair BUT please don't listen to the crap about "We can't do anything about it" or "I'm just one person". If everyone thought like that, it's no freaking wonder nothing get's done about the unfairness in the country. So yeah keep on doing nothing about the unfairness. I'm just going to continue fighting authority, breaking the unfair rules and get punished for trying to be fair and just.

Taking matters into our own hands
So I've been taking alot of abuse from people in power. I keep provoking them on purpose, telling them that I won't take their shit no more. Well, look what that landed me in. I went from the 4th class in secondary school to the last class. Impressively I managed to avoid getting expelled altogether. But that's mainly because I decided I would use simmer than explode into gloriful stars and end my life before I was even 16. In Poly, I had clashes with one of my lecturers that he decided he would fail me from all his classes even when I had straight A's for his tests.

He was a stuck up academic prick, no offence to other pricks out there. But he had a quirk where he would fail a student for no apparent reason except for the fact that he just doesn't like the student's face. Who would stand for such an injustice? Well apparently everyone else around me. Nobody seemed to care about a tyrant running rampant in school, well no doubt he's got a Phd, but that doesn't give him the right to do what he did. I sometimes suspect I'm an anarchist, well perhaps I am.

Anarchist?!
No for you people who do not understand the true meaning of the word. An anarchist is an agent of change. No doubt you've associated it with terrorism, but those people are classed under the word extremists. So yeah your safe from a sarin gas attack or car bomb from me. I want change, I especially want people who abuse their authority to be brought down to their knees and beg for forgiveness. But I don't use violence to solve it, I use disabling techniques that frustrate the person in authority to no end. In the end, the person in power has a life of living hell if I'm around. I can be such a PEST if I hate you.

A Pest?
Oh you'd be surprised how many more people die from pests than from war. Infact we consider the lowly mosquitoes as pests. But if you look at the death toll of mosquitoes, they've killed more people in 5 years than all the wars combined in the history of the human race. Heh, we never realize it until it's too late. It's the basic moron reflex almost all humans have. Yeah I have alot of stupid moments, but I tend to relish it with great gusto as they do build character. But hey, the people in authority I've frustrated have all left the organizations partly due to my influence, that's some credit to my name.

Pesticide!
Psst! Argh! I'm dying! Not! Haha, I can harder to douse than a trick candle, hardier than a cockroach and more irritating than a buzzing mosquito and just as deadly. A prominent pest yet the perfect insidious agent of change. That's my guise and purpose, to rid the world of tyrants and bullies in my own way, on their turf. A Noble goal, yet a downright disgusting mode of execution. I want them to suffer and then die of never ending frustration. That's so much more satisfying than bruising them up or getting them fired. Sure I'm going to get alot of flak. But I'm sure that they'd have a heart attack sooner or later and that just perks me up right away. I leave with an insight of the duality that dwells in all gemini.

Death
Death is sweet, death is nice,
That's if you life isn't made out of spice.
Death is bad, death is evil,
That's if you've been a very good person.
Death is peace, death is closure,
That's if your life's a living hell.
I will be the death of you,
That's if you have been a bad person.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Self Awareness

Self Doubt

I start of the day with a lecture by my mom. I woke up, turned on my computer. Then get a lecture from my mom telling me that my life's kinda going nowhere. And you know what? I felt terrible inside, but I can't blame her. I kinda feel that way right now as well. Even when those words pierced my gut. I felt as if it bashed my soul into small little pieces.

Picking up the pieces
So after a soul shattering morning, I started picking up the pieces of myself that mysteriously landed in the bathroom. Morning showers are always invigourating, especially if your feeling down. Well if not for you, at least it is for me. Now what did I decide to do after my mom said that? Haha, I tried to have some faith in myself. It was hard but hey, I'm back here blogging after a good long shower ain't I? If I've got no faith in myself I bet I'd be sobbing quietly somewhere right now.

Enough!
So I am starting to accept the fact that I'm emotional. Hey we've all got to start somewhere. For me, it was in the army. Yeah, that 2 years that I didn't blog down. I learnt that I had a very soft side in me. And no it wasn't some closet syndrome, it actually took a dog to make me realize it. Yes you heard me, I had a dog while serving the army. And no he's not mine, he's belongs to the army. And he's old, like 9-10 years old now. But hey, whatever works right?

Dawg!
Yes dogs! They are one of my soft spots. If you didn't know, I'm also born in the year of the dog in the chinese zodiac. It's kind of an affinity I realized that I had with the animal that opened me up emotionally. Let's just say it's hard to be firm when it comes to feeding time for the dog. And yes I am usually the guy who prepares the food for the dog. Heck I'm also the guy who prepares the food for people on duty.

Cook?!
Yeah yeah, I learnt to cook while in the army. No biggie there, at least I don't think it is. My work in the army required me to be isolated with 3 other guys in a self sustained barracks and yes, that's where the dog also resides. So with the food provided by the army, I had to learn how to cook or face eating combat rations everyday. I didn't want to have endless constipation, heh, so guess I only had the other alternative.

Something Fishy
Oh yeah, there were places to fish around that area. My fellow sufferers of our sad fate in the army had come to love fishing. And along with fishing, I had to learn to gut, clean and cook fresh fish. If done correctly, fresh fish tastes sweet and tender. If done by an amatuer, you taste fish guts. So yeah, I've gone thru that phase and more. What other things I've learnt to cook? Well, let's just say the list includes pork, chicken, mutton, lamb, prawns, a score of vegetables, fish and even different types of rice and noodles. I tell you something, food prep is a BITCH! Cooking the food in the barracks where you DON'T have fire. That's also a bitch.

No Fire?!
Yeah so guess what I had to use to cook? An electric stove. I mean like if you have to cook on an electric stove that took like 5 mins to even warm up the pot. You will know what cooking hell was like while I was on duty. I had to cook dinner at the very least but usually lunch as well. And on such a stove, you can imagine the time I took preparing the food then cooking it as well. Let's just say on average I spend 2 hours on the meal, about an hour on food preparations and an hour on cooking. That's a typical 4 dishes and rice, if you wanted soup then make it a 3 hour wait for the meal. Heh, let's just say I start cooking dinner at about 4pm everyday.

Time
So yeah, I cook an average 4 times a week for roughly 1 1/2 years in the army. Does that make me a good cook? Well it's subjective, but from my reviews near the end of my service, people didn't really like me but wanted me to do the cooking. Inventiveness is a huge plus when you have to cook everyday while your on duty. Otherwise even I would get sick of my cooking. I change what I cook everyday while I'm on duty. So yeah, I came up with a motherload of culinary disasters and a couple of gems. But hey, experience is the best teacher. I know now, what not to put into certain dishes and what I can play around with.

Experimentation
So moral of the story? Experimentation is always good, even if the results aren't. I do it with life all the time. I used to worry that if I changed myself, I wouldn't be me anymore. But now I know, that if I stop changing I wouldn't even exist. So screw stagnantation and let's all keep the one constant in the world true. Change!

Change
Good, Bad, Neutral
They are different,
They are same,
They are many,
The are one if you change, change, change.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow

Another Coincidence?

The Week END
So I guess you wouldn't want to know what happened during my weekend. Ermm... well truthfully I spent it at home just going thru my old games, researching more on Dungeon & Dragons. Add some exercise and volia, instant weekend solution.

Visions?
Oh yeah bout the visions. Haha, well it just turns out I had a strong realization WHY I had the vision on Friday. And why I would remember it so vividly. It just turns out that the interviewer is my neighbor. And yeah she's cute. Hahaha, it seems I'm a sucker for interviews with a hot chick. And yeah I know it makes me sound really cheesy. CHEESE!

Future?
So what now? Well, it's undecided but that nice gal says she'd look for a job with the best of her ability. Am I a total sucker? Definately not, I'm going to continue the hunt for a decent job. Oh yeah I said decent, so very decent. Did I say decent? Opps. Me out.

Lycans
Who, what, were? wolves?
Oh grandma, what big teeth you have!
All the better to chew you with!
Mwahahaha!

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow