Self Awareness

Self Doubt

I start of the day with a lecture by my mom. I woke up, turned on my computer. Then get a lecture from my mom telling me that my life's kinda going nowhere. And you know what? I felt terrible inside, but I can't blame her. I kinda feel that way right now as well. Even when those words pierced my gut. I felt as if it bashed my soul into small little pieces.

Picking up the pieces
So after a soul shattering morning, I started picking up the pieces of myself that mysteriously landed in the bathroom. Morning showers are always invigourating, especially if your feeling down. Well if not for you, at least it is for me. Now what did I decide to do after my mom said that? Haha, I tried to have some faith in myself. It was hard but hey, I'm back here blogging after a good long shower ain't I? If I've got no faith in myself I bet I'd be sobbing quietly somewhere right now.

Enough!
So I am starting to accept the fact that I'm emotional. Hey we've all got to start somewhere. For me, it was in the army. Yeah, that 2 years that I didn't blog down. I learnt that I had a very soft side in me. And no it wasn't some closet syndrome, it actually took a dog to make me realize it. Yes you heard me, I had a dog while serving the army. And no he's not mine, he's belongs to the army. And he's old, like 9-10 years old now. But hey, whatever works right?

Dawg!
Yes dogs! They are one of my soft spots. If you didn't know, I'm also born in the year of the dog in the chinese zodiac. It's kind of an affinity I realized that I had with the animal that opened me up emotionally. Let's just say it's hard to be firm when it comes to feeding time for the dog. And yes I am usually the guy who prepares the food for the dog. Heck I'm also the guy who prepares the food for people on duty.

Cook?!
Yeah yeah, I learnt to cook while in the army. No biggie there, at least I don't think it is. My work in the army required me to be isolated with 3 other guys in a self sustained barracks and yes, that's where the dog also resides. So with the food provided by the army, I had to learn how to cook or face eating combat rations everyday. I didn't want to have endless constipation, heh, so guess I only had the other alternative.

Something Fishy
Oh yeah, there were places to fish around that area. My fellow sufferers of our sad fate in the army had come to love fishing. And along with fishing, I had to learn to gut, clean and cook fresh fish. If done correctly, fresh fish tastes sweet and tender. If done by an amatuer, you taste fish guts. So yeah, I've gone thru that phase and more. What other things I've learnt to cook? Well, let's just say the list includes pork, chicken, mutton, lamb, prawns, a score of vegetables, fish and even different types of rice and noodles. I tell you something, food prep is a BITCH! Cooking the food in the barracks where you DON'T have fire. That's also a bitch.

No Fire?!
Yeah so guess what I had to use to cook? An electric stove. I mean like if you have to cook on an electric stove that took like 5 mins to even warm up the pot. You will know what cooking hell was like while I was on duty. I had to cook dinner at the very least but usually lunch as well. And on such a stove, you can imagine the time I took preparing the food then cooking it as well. Let's just say on average I spend 2 hours on the meal, about an hour on food preparations and an hour on cooking. That's a typical 4 dishes and rice, if you wanted soup then make it a 3 hour wait for the meal. Heh, let's just say I start cooking dinner at about 4pm everyday.

Time
So yeah, I cook an average 4 times a week for roughly 1 1/2 years in the army. Does that make me a good cook? Well it's subjective, but from my reviews near the end of my service, people didn't really like me but wanted me to do the cooking. Inventiveness is a huge plus when you have to cook everyday while your on duty. Otherwise even I would get sick of my cooking. I change what I cook everyday while I'm on duty. So yeah, I came up with a motherload of culinary disasters and a couple of gems. But hey, experience is the best teacher. I know now, what not to put into certain dishes and what I can play around with.

Experimentation
So moral of the story? Experimentation is always good, even if the results aren't. I do it with life all the time. I used to worry that if I changed myself, I wouldn't be me anymore. But now I know, that if I stop changing I wouldn't even exist. So screw stagnantation and let's all keep the one constant in the world true. Change!

Change
Good, Bad, Neutral
They are different,
They are same,
They are many,
The are one if you change, change, change.

Idiots of today, Geniuses of tomorrow